ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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