You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
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Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
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I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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