Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
