Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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