I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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