Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
