Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
