Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
