Cold hands, warm shart.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
