I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
