I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
