well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
