i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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