2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
