Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
