I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
