So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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