Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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