She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
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I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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