Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I need to stop coming to work sober
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
