I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
