Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Michael Bay diarrhea
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
