His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
