k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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