Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
