Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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