Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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