i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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