She is in my trunk
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
