shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
