i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
