i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
They have beer where we have blood.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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