Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
