she woke up with a sticky ear
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
