I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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