woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
