I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
