After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
