I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
