In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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