nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
