you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
