Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
