Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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