I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
