So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no