i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.