its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
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Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.