I'm so fucking centered right now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
