you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
