I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
