Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize