Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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