YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
