i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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