McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
