I got chris browned last night
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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