someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
