im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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