i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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