One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
