It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
nutella sex= disaster
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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