If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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