YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
