I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
